I didn't ask my husband if he was sneaking drinks. I told him everyone knew he was drinking - everyone. That threw him for a loop.
My brother-in-law found my husband on his ass on the sidewalk one day. He was angry but helped him up and then left him there. My sister told me about it and I told my husband the next day. He was sorry for the shame it brought on us. I told him that everyone knew he had a problem. He wasn't fooling anyone, the whole building knew. We live in a highrise and I'm the asst. manager here. Alcoholics think they're hiding it - especially when they're not stumbling drunk. I didn't tell him so that it would wake him up. I told him I didn't care what he did and that what he did had no reflection on me.
I don't go to alanon. I went a few times and wasn't comfortable with the jargon and there was no feedback. I like the idea of a support group though. Read, read and read some more. A little at a time sunk in for me. It's so complex that there was no way I could get it all at once.
Don't ask, learn to trust your gut. They have a way of screwing with your head. If you think he's drinking he likely he is. You won't get the truth from him. He's an alcoholic and it's what they do. Questioning your judgment will make you nuts.