Originally Posted by Cadence57
... Any sage advice? I'm really feeling quite lost these days ...
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lost. I know the feeling myself quite well. Please consider that this little corner of the web can be a refuge and a home for you if you so choose. You don't have to be lost anymore.
Can't help with the "sage advice", but I can offer some of my experience strength and hope :smile:
Originally Posted by Cadence57
I know I need to find a meeting but my past experiences were pretty bad,
Yeah that sucks. When I first started "trudging the happy road to recovery" I couldn't find any meetings either. Which really irritated me, after all, how could "they" not have meetings for us! <lol> So I grabbed a couple people I knew and we started our own. Borrowed the 12 steps from alcoholics anonymous and called ourselves "Incest Survivors Anonymous". People showed up in droves. They saved my life and sanity more than once.
My point is that finding a good meeting is no different than finding a good doctor, dentist, or car mechanic. You have to go check them out and see if you like them. If they don't work out for you, it's _not your problem_. All you have to do is go to the next one on your list. There's lots of good people out there, and they're just waiting for you to show up. The catch is, only _you_ can show up, they can't find you otherwise.
Originally Posted by Cadence57
- mostly because I seem to be an magnet for alcoholics and control freaks and the minute I suspect a problem I bail out.
Yeah, I'm a magnet for sick ones too. Or should I say, I find myself attracted to them. 'course, you're ahead of me because it takes me awhile to figure out that this person is toxic, then I feel guilty for running from them. I think that avoiding sick people is a _good_ thing, me thinks you're progressing in the right direction in that area. What I'm working on is how to figure out the toxic ones _before_ I even get close to them, then I'd never have to run.
Originally Posted by Cadence57
... I'm tired of hurting, tired of fighting, tired of crying - ...
Good for you! This is a good place for you, cuz we all feel much the same way.
Originally Posted by Cadence57
... I won't even walk out the front door if someone is walking by - how odd is that?
It's very common for us kids of "toxic" families to find comfort in isolation. I certainly do. Takes me a _long_ time to get comfortable out amongst people. I refer to it as "hiding under the bed". In my case, no matter how safe it feels, it's really harmful to me in the long run. Basically, I'm continuing the abuse that was done to me by allowing myself to remain isolated.
Originally Posted by Cadence57
I know I need to find a meeting but my past experiences were pretty bad, so for now I'll do the "online thing" and try to find an Al-Anon meeting
There's nothing like the real thing :smile: Online is easy and relaxed, but there's nothing as good as meeting real people in the real world who really understand what you're feeling. Al-Anon is full of wonderful, caring folks, and there's tons and tons of meetings, so you'll have plenty to choose from.
Whadya think?
Mike :-)