How important is it?
So, as background: 30+ yr marriage to my AH. He is a closet drinker and an excellent actor when it comes to behaving sober. I've known about his drinking for years, but when our family crisis hit with him being hospitalized for a couple of weeks (another story, another day) I had to tell his family and his mother at that time that he was an alcoholic and they had no clue.
When he came out of the hospital he went right back to his secret daily drinking. He gets quieter when he drinks and then goes to bed. No arguing, no falling down, no breaking things, no slurry speeches, no job loss, no DUIs etc.
My best friend visited with us for a week at Christmas, having just divorced her AH, she knows about my AH, and she thought he was sober the whole week - he wasn't. My sister, who also knows, has no clue when he is or isn't drunk. His brothers are starting to catch on, but have a tough time. Two of our three kids can read the signs, our third isn't really sure. His acting ability almost drove me crazy until I knew for certain, without a doubt, about the alcoholism. I am just saying this so you don't think I am in denial about people knowing.
Today, 4 years after said crisis, I am with his mother and she comments "of course AH doesn't drink". I didn't correct her. Part of me thinks "why upset her?" Another part of me wants to set her straight.
I've always told my AH that I wouldn't cover for him and I wouldn't lie for him, and I don't. But not setting her straight feels like a lie. On the other hand, I wonder "How important is it?" when it comes to setting her straight.
She's elderly and I wonder if I should just let it go and not have her worry about him.
And I wonder why this is bugging me so much?
I know it's progressive and he will get worse over time, but his progression last time was so slow it took years and years. If he continues at that pace this time, and it seems he might, she'll be long gone.
Thoughts?