Yes, Dollydo. It is a waste of life. It didn't have to be this way and that bothers me the most.
I already have thoughts about what the future holds and just hope that my brothers don't find her dead in the house at some point...or that she doesn't wind up killing someone else behind the wheel. Not that these thoughts are much different than what I had expected all along, or that I haven't said this out loud a million times. Now...now though, it's just a matter of when it will happen instead of "if" it will happen. It's pretty sick to have these visions, but they are the inevitable future at this point. I gave up on crying for my mother many years ago. I am sad now mostly for my brothers because I know that this way of life and all of these events are going to leave scars much bigger than they realize.
I miss my life from a month ago. My happier life, with my own family and being 1200 miles away from this drama. I am reaching my limit now, it won't be long before I just back away from all of them. This is just toxic with no signs of any improvement.