Thanks for the wisdom you guys! I have been talking with my brother about this a bunch in the last few days. Setting healthy boundaries is so important and what I expressed to him is that he doesn't even need to share what they are. Yet I have trouble with my own advise to him because I WANT my dad to know what my boundaries are. I want him to know he upset me. Not that I think it will change one dang thing, but because I simply want him to know. I had this overwhelming urge to email my dad, so I did. What it did was make ME feel better. My email did not contain one comment about his drinking only his actions/behavior. I don't care what he thinks or feels or if it will affect him at all. I have 0 expectations of him. I think I have figured out what my boundary is " I will not be around, nor will I allow my family to be around, people who are drunk, acting disrespectful, or behaving erratically." I will leave any situation where I feel any of those things are occurring. Anyone care to share their thoughts on my boundary?
As far as the wedding is concern I am leaving that one to my brother. He may or may not talk to our AF about drinking at the wedding and I am not going to butt into that one. However if my AF or any other A crosses my boundary as stated above I will ask them to leave. If they don't leave and I can't get away from them I will leave. Thankfully the wedding is during the day and the only alcohol that will be served is limited champagne. My dad is the type who normally holds it together for events such as a wedding, but after this past weekend my trust in him doing that is a whole lot less.
On a positive note. My AH and I went and interviewed the recommended rehab center. He is all signed up to start on Monday! For the first time in a long time I feel there could be better days ahead for our marriage. My eyes are wide open that only time will tell but this is a great step forward in the right direction.