I think I reached point today that not only is wrong but also very scary. I got home with all motivation to NOT drink, I had almost drunk a full bottle of rum on Saturday night. I was so drunk and felt so bad yesterday (Sunday) that I didn't drink yesterday but today it was alot easier to drink since I had that extra day to recover.
So I pour me two small drinks (all that's left in the bottle) and I say to myself "OK only 2 drinks left in bottle"....bad mistake. After that I went to the liquor store and bought me another bottle. What makes it bad is I bought that bottle after I took my blood pressure (after almost 6 months of not taking it) and I was at 160 over 96. Extremely high of course. So now I come to this moment in rationale thinking that doesn't make sense. I KNOW the situation..... I take blood pressure medication but still decide to buy a bottle after seeing my blood pressure is higher than BEFORE I started on that medication a year ago.
I think sometimes Im going to die and from reading many medical articles online about drinking and high blood pressure and diabetes (yes diabetes). WHAT THE HELL IMMA I DOING. I don't have a death-wish, actually im scared ******** of it (death). I couldn't get to sleep last night because of all these weird doomsday dreams. I really think I need help
Yesterday was my grandsons B-day (yes im young but have grandkids) (btw I felt so bad I almost didn't go to the party) and my son shows me a photo album and out of probably 15 pics I had a drink in like 13 pics. I consider myself a thinker, I read and feel I have a basic understanding of many different subjects just by reading so its not ignorance... its addiction.
I realize I need some help but haven't come to accepting that fact. I'm interested in AA but find the website confusing and find the whole religious type format a turnoff but at this point I have to try anything. I would like to find someone that would be willing to at least talk to me on the phone and explain how it works. Although it might seem like I'm a socially afraid person, I'm not. I have worked in a public contact (customer service) field for 21 years but I guess speaking about your own problems is different.
I live in Miami-Dade county Florida and willing to talk to anyone who might want to help. I hope I'm not a "lost case". I have alot of problems "marital, financial and of course health" but I feel most of my failures are directly connected to drinking excessively and If I can control that BIG problem I can then begin to address everything else.
I really hope to hear back....I tried posting my email but I dont have 15 posts yet so I cannot. Please write me here and I will contact you
BTW... I have posted here before... I checked. My first post here was more than 2 years ago. Add on top of that many years of drinking daily. I NEED HELP
Carlos