Monday I will turn 55. I have been in many relationships that involved alcohol, and although I do not consider myself to be an alcoholic there must be some reason that I pursue relationships with men who drink. I am at a point in my current relationship that I am realizing the red flags and understanding that there must be patterns here that I am repeating. I need to stop and re-evaluate these familar feelings.
My boyfriend is raising a teenage son. He drinks in the evenings, almost as a reward to himself. Also he takes prescription meds - one of them is xanax. I am not going to give an entire book of symptoms but our relationship is becoming one of Love Avoidant vs Love Avoidant. We have spent over three years together, but living in separate homes. For the first two years I was going to his house and staying overnight. In the past year or so, some things happened that caused me to pull back. But as a result, he is investing even less in the relationship than before. I want to keep this man in my life, but why? and at what cost to my self-esteem and spiritual progress.
When I pull back and focus on myself it is ok for a few weeks, but eventually I miss him and want to "talk" which never turns out well. I am finding a lot of solace in reading these forums today. I will post again if any of my experiences are pertinent to a thread. For now, I am happy to find an outlet for my frustrations that do not involve calling my man on the phone and going off on him.
