The best way to get healthy is to go no contact. Don't answer his calls, texts, emails and the door.
Everytime you let him back in you take another step backwards. You are allowing him to demean you, to abuse you.
You will continue to stay sick unless you get yourself under control. You deserve so much better, there are lots of great non addicted men out there, it's time to walk away from this abusive relationship.
If you need to, go to a therapist, do whatever it takes to get healthy.