Transformy your mantra helped so many times when I saw XABF everyday... I will always be grateful.
One of the huge ones was when XABF was drinking a beer a Tuesday at 6 PM. The way he was holding the beer. As if it was his best friend or something natural, like someone holding a Diet Coke. After so many bad experiences there he was very "relaxed", matter of factly staring at me with his drink, no expression in his eyes. Felt like a routine for him. The way he truly didn't give a damn about how I felt.
My gut feeling that said GET AWAY NOW, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, RUN AWAY, DONT LOOK BACK, GET AWAY NOW. I had never felt anything like that before. But I couldnt ignore this inner voice anymore. I packed.
The cab driver showed more compassion than XABF ever did.
The janitor at work showed more compassion than XABF ever did.
The way she asked me "your eyes look very sad lady, what's up?" at the time I had felt invisible for so much time and I realized that yes, I was Someone too and STRANGERS showed more humanity than the Ex. That is where I learned the difference between WORDS and ACTIONS..
OK remembering this made me all teary.. but its all good.
Another thing, crying and talking to myself with compassion instead of telling myself how weak or stupid I am for feeling whatever.
Another huge one was the post where someone said she was forgiving and letting go for entirely selfish reasons. For my own freedom and health, this helps me remember all the inner work is not about others, I am the one getting all the benefits, and I am worth it.