Hey Rayn3dr0p!!
Thank you so much for writing. The good place still existed around October of last year. I don't know what has changed in my husband since then. At our 1 year anniversary, we had a great day (October) and were very happy.
Now we are at a place where he is telling me to "F-Off"... I'm not what he's looking for...I would never speak to him that way. I just can't understand it.
He is just looking to fight about absolutely everything. 2 weeks ago we were in the car to go to my parents' house for dinner. On the way he started arguing with me and decided he was not coming to dinner. He dropped me off and left. I was embarrassed to show up alone. To make it worse, I called for him to pick me up and he wouldn't even answer the phone. When he dropped me off he said that he was going to an AA meeting. When my dad had to drop me off later that night since he never came to get me, he told me he never went to the meeting and he was on the couch watching sports garbage.
If we had been where we are now, when I had my condo, I would have asked him to leave my condo. Now I am in a place that costs me $600 more a month in mortgage payments and unless someone is helping me, I can't make those payments. I have no money left since we just moved here, for closing costs, down payment, etc. Together we have 2 dogs and 4 cats. No one will rent to me with the animals and I would rather die than give up my pets. My animals are the most important thing in my life. I did want to note that I am the breadwinner in the house, earning more than $25k more than my husband per year. He has a job that pays him the salary I started at when I got out of college. He has been working there for 4 years and never has gotten a bonus or an increase, and seems to be fine with this, doesn't care that I'd like more for us or to be a part-time working mom because unfortunately due to his earnings I'll never stay home. He has zero ambition to move forward and higher... I just don't relate. I am making so much more than he is and I am 18 years younger. I encourage him to talk to his boss about opportunities to advance and raises and when I do that, he tells me I am "pushy" and to "leave him alone". Another new thing is that he needs "alone time" and "space" but in my mind, we spend all day apart at work, why do you always want to be alone?
It has become clear to me that my feelings are not important to anyone but me. I feel like an idiot for having a husband who makes comments like that to another woman... that woman must feel like I just don't have it together if my husband is speaking to her that way. I am embarrassed. And that woman is 45 and married with kids. Here I am, 26 and looking to start a family with him and he is interested in talking to a 45 year old married with kids. I don't get it. I see myself as a "good catch" in many respects, not trying to toot my own horn. I have a college education, I am an executive assistant for the last 5 years, I make good money, I keep a nice home, cook, clean, do all the laundry, make him lunch every day, what more could he want? I might not be thin but I am still pretty.
Sad part is I do NOT know how to come to a happy place independent of him. Being alone terrifies me.