Alone22

I called my "R"AH at work to ask a question and I had a huge surprise dropped on me. A little history... he has struggled for sobriety for at least the past 8 years going to AA off and on, tried counseling but has continued to sneak and drink. It has been a slow destruction of our marriage as it has progressed. He has become reclusive, irritable and on occasion down right mean. He is high functioning but currently has a job that he can not stand. He came home Monday telling me it was 50/50 that he was going to quit his job. That in itself freaked me out, but yesterday he confirmed that he was just blowing off steam and would not actually quit. The past month or two he has been actively looking for new employment. I do not work and we have 3 kids so him not working would be a huge financial blow.

Today he tells me that he is not doing good, wants to take a leave of absence from work and go to outpatient rehab. Since this is his determination and not mine at all I know I should feel good that he is taking a positive step forward in his recovery (and I am) but I am freaking out because I guess fear of the unknown. I am worried about him, worried about what to tell the kids, worried about money, .... I am trying to remember all that I have learned in Al-anon but my head is pounding with so much concern it is just not coming.

Is this the door opening to a better future? or is this the final crash and burn? I know no one knows for sure and I need to just give it up to my HP but I can't help but be concerned. I don't even know what to say to him. In fact I don't even know what I did say to him. I am in shock. Thank GOD I have a therapy appointment today!

Any words of wisdom would be greatly helpful!