What happens after falling off the wagon?
My A is not really interested in sobriety right now, because of course, he doesn't have a problem. He says that his drinking is fine because (there are many, many reasons... this is what he said recently) he isn't going anywhere to get drunk, he's doing at home. Oh, and because he isn't cheating on me when drunk. And because he's a grown up and if he wants to get falling-down drunk, then he can. A few days ago he said that I'm crazy for thinking he has a drinking problem, and that I'm overreacting. I've poured out bottles of alcohol but he brings more in, I've learned to tell the moment he comes home how much he's had, I know what it's like to wake up next to someone who reeks of alcohol oozing from his pores while he snores the sleep of the drunk.
The last time we argued he told me he would try to do better, and he was sober for 13 days. Almost two weeks. Then last night he started drinking -- first a six-pack, then hard liquor. He was in the backyard, I put the kids the bed, locked the house, leaving one door open for him. By midnight he was staggering around, but in the backyard. At 3 AM he was passed out on the deck. At 5 AM he staggered into the bedroom, where I pretended to be asleep, heart pounding. He showered, passed out in the shower. There was a time when I'd have helped him out of the shower and helped him into bed, but after one visit to AlAnon and after weeks of reading posts here, I didn't. I did turn off the water, though. (Hey -- it's my hot water too!) I left him there. Daylight was peeking through the blinds when he finally crawled into bed, where again, I held my breath and prayed he'd just pass out -- which he did.
Is there any good in confronting him about this? If he is in denial/blaming me, can I do anything to make him look in the mirror? (No. I can't. Thank you all -- I didn't cause it, I don't control it).
I guess my question is, if he *were* in recovery, how would I treat this episode? Would I confront him? Would he "start over" if working steps? I don't fully have a handle on how a recovering alcoholic/alcoholic's family/loved ones would react here.
So far I've said nothing. Today I'm working (as much as I can, feeling utterly distracted) and brewing a migraine. Saying something will lead to a big argument, which is ok, I'm not nonconfrontational, but I do like to limit my confrontations to people who are rational.