Failedtaper,
I am doing ok this am...a little over a week in recovery. I also believe that the morning dose was the dose I struggled with the most, using and being clean. However, I would go places and see people and instead of thinking they are all clean, I began wondering how many of them were secret users also. I began to get jealous of people who had narcotics for various reasons. It's a crazy way to think, I know, but as you stated my "addict" brain just couldn't/can't help it. I am just taking things one day at a time, trying to be strong. I never realized how powerful addiction can be and how many people are struggling!