lonely26
Your story is so similar to my story. I have no words of advice but just want you to know that you are not alone.
I am in recovery from binge eating/non-purging bulimia and have been working on my own recovery for 11 years now. I met my husband during my recovery process, and we fell in love and got married. After we got married though he continued to function well outside of the home drinking took a turn for the worst.
In my very messed up way I took on his drinking and the resulting problems in the relationship as mine. I had a good support system in place for my recovery, group therapy, individual therapy, body work etc. I figured if I took on "his" problems in my recovery I could get them fixed....like I was getting myself fixed. I think that I continued with the eating disorder behaviors a good two years past when I was ready to let them go because I was working on someone else's stuff rather then my own.
The problem is I don't have control over if he gets "fixed" or not. That is his to decide and want.
A little over a year ago he had an affair, which was actually what helped my eyes to get opened. I found out one day and was in Al-Anon (finally) the next day. I had never gone before because I felt like I had so much support that it was an "extra" piece that I did not need to try and juggle. Al-Anon for me was different though. I was immediately accepted once I walked in the door because of the commonality of why we were all there.
Having the bandaid of denial ripped off has been very hard for me, but I am grateful to finally be living life on life's terms.
I am a addict in recovery, which is something to be proud of. I am coming to learn that when it is thrown in my face it is usually someone afraid of their own demons that is doing the throwing. I get to send warm thoughts there way for their own healing, and work on what I can control...my own recovery and wellbeing.