Hi DWP: That morning dose was what stopped me from succeeding at tapering off the oxys. All last year, I truly believed I would be able to keep "my" oxys for the rest of my life if I wanted to -- my plan was to JUST do my morning dose, and I would be fine. I could not imagine how I was going to be able to start each day without the pills. I did not WANT to imagine it! After all, I had the MIRACLE PILL! The one and only drug that fixed EVERYTHING that was wrong with me in one gulp! I remember looking around at all the anonymous faces on the street, bus, office, wherever, and feeling so jealous of them all. I knew that, with few exceptions, pretty much all of THEM were getting up without oxys every day. I wanted what they had. Why couldn't I do it when they could?
Crazy thoughts. And I am so so so so happy not to wake up to the nauseating cold sweats every morning any more. Funny how my "addict brain" was perfectly happy to put up with feeling so sick every morning as long as I could get my drug. Bad stuff.
Yes, I've been to NA. I mention it here now and then, even though I didn't use NA to get me through this recovery. I went years ago in a different recovery, tried both AA and NA, and I absolutely loved the NA meeting that had all the street people in it. I had been to some meetings in "good" neighborhoods, but they were boring. The urban meeting with the street people was so colorful, so full of real stories, and I came away with some of my most meaningful advice from "old-timers" there. I've often wondered how many of the people I met there "made it".
I chose not to do NA this time because I couldn't. I am a full time university student and work full time, plus I have been retraining in my medical field, which will be finished soon. I literally did not have the means (transportation or time) to put meetings in there, although I would have found a way if my family support had not been enough.
I hope you are well this morning. I totally agree with how long those first days and weeks seem to linger on. A week flies by when you are using. In withdrawal, it is a slow, agonizing, eternity.
FT