I pray you find peace. I never found it in a bottle, just confusion to the point of becoming unmanageable. You have realized that yourself and that is great, fantastic.
I really hope you find what to do with it. AA has helped me and there are so many people there in your situation but they lost a lot more before they quit drinking.
After 120 days of abstinence I have peace today. I can think more clearly than I have in a long, long time. If I make it to six months, that is something I will have only done three times in my life after drinking for 40 years. Something I haven't done since I was a kid. That's a real motivator for me to learn how to never drink again and it is a process, slow and painful at times but rewarding every step of the way.
I wish you well and I wish you peace.