I agree with Eddie... I think you're being way too hard on yourself. I am proud of the way you handle the situation. You stood your ground, protected your boundary. Was it perfect? No, but girl... nobody is perfect. Nobody.
I get more upset with myself when I fall for/believe the lies or empty promises that come out of my AH's mouth. He says some of the most beautiful and grandeous things... and I think deep down, he means it, he just can't follow through. He can't because he's sick. And me believing them? And getting sucked into it? That's my disease. My denial. Me wanting to believe that maybe, oh just maybe he isn't an alcoholic. But if I wait (and not react!)... the waters calm and the truth is revealed. "Yup, he's an alcoholic and he's just doing what he does."
I had one of those painful moments this week. A growth opportunity. A chance to step back from the situation - see how it unfolded, see my reaction (which was healthier than before but was still rough around the edges!!!)... and see some areas that I could focus on in my recovery! Ah... I'm making progress!! And that feels good to me. I'm not perfect and I have to learn how to let go of that expectation... because having it... means I end up resenting MYSELF.
Be gentle on yourself. You're a very special and loveable person. I hope you do something kind and wonderful for you today!
Shannon