Welcome to the other side of recovery!
Congrats on your own personal recovery from alcoholism (from one recovering A to another)
I needed help and support to get me through my own personal addiction to alcohol. But I also needed support and wisdom to overcome my need to fix, rescue, control, anticipate, worry and obsess over other peoples behaviors.
I was married to an alcoholic for 14 years. But my need to fix others went back farther than that. I found help and support here, at Alanon meetings and through self-improvement books.
One of the books that helped me define what was my responsibility, and what was my partner's responsibility in life/relationships was Melody Beatties book "Codependent No More".
In the midst of drama and chaos from my A, I was confident I was making the right choices when I would stop enabling and supporting his addiction. Then after the drama subsided, and all the soft feelings return - I struggled with maintaining my boundaries. I would fall back into the magical thinking of "this time will be different". I needed something to keep me focused on my boundaries. This is what I did to remember why I was ending my relationship with my A:
I carried a piece of paper in my wallet that said-
___________'s love comes with:
drunkeness
dishonesty
lying
financial disasters
manipulation
health problems
It reminded me on a daily basis why I was choosing to go NO Contact.
