Flygirl... big hugs to you. You know you did your best and you know there was nothing you could do, but your heart needs to hear that and accept it. Addiction is so sad. It robs us of our loved ones. I truly believe your XAH knows how much you cared and I am sure that if he could tell you he would say thank you for being there for him in his final moments. My friend lost her husband after she kicked him out of the house due to his addiction. The two things that have really helped her are counseling and also planting a tree in her late husbands honor. Be kind to yourself... he would never want you to feel any guilt.