Thank you!! I agree- we are not "special" in the true sense of the word, as we are addicts and humans the same as everyone else here. But there is a special bond and I feel a great connectedness to other nurses in recovery (why are we so hard to find? I know there must be so many of us!) And yes, one of the reasons for that is it helps me to stop beating myself up so much for my behaviors because I know it has happened to others!
Part of our guilt/shame comes from the stigma society (and especially other health care workers!) place on addiction. Why do we believe such antiquated falsehoods? Part of it comes from being DRILLED into our heads that "nurses are held to a higher standard." This statement is and should be true, but it creates an immense amount of pressure to succeed and guilt upon failure. We are our own worst critics anyway, aren't we? The judgement of others does nothing to aid me in my sobriety, and when I begin to feel guilt or shame I remind myself of that. Accepting and trying to forgive myself has been very liberating for me. I have LOTS of work to go, but I feel like i am at least able to BREATHE now. I am not suffocated and crippled by my disease and my shame. I am strong and capable and strive for success, one small step at a time. That feels good!