Originally Posted by
grateful101010 
Wy - I thought I would get some grief from you or others because of my bluntness. But you're ten steps ahead of all of us, the way you've thought this through. I am so sorry for your situation, it's tragic.
Uf, I wish I could FEEL ten steps ahead sometimes
. No grief from me, at any rate, I appreciate it whenever anyone takes the time to stop and offer their perspective. I've had a lot of bluntness from my sister and mom (both RAs, Mom with AH and sister with XAH), and from my "other sister." The thing is just that I have all of this in my head, I know what's going on and where it will lead, I know what my life is going to be like until then and after that point, and somehow it's still not enough to leave. My mom and I frequently discuss our respective AHs (he became my stepdad when I was 14 and I left home at 15, so not really a parent figure) and neither of us know why it's not enough yet -- she's even tried leaving hers a couple of times, and I'm still at the point where it's hard to spend a night away from mine despite his drunkenness, which generally involves lots of toppling and aggressive quacking. I always thought the people who said, "You'll know when it's time to leave" were being overly simplistic or optimistic or something, but it really did happen with the first husband (after four years of wondering why it wasn't enough!).
The closest I've gotten to leaving was when we moved into this new house (yep, been here almost three months and already have all the husband-shaped dents and holes -- so glad the landlord loves my gardening abilities), he was being mean on the night we were supposed to come here so I just left without him. I had a great night sleeping comfortably on our bed in the new place, away from the interstate and train tracks, and the kids got to sleep in their new rooms, while he got to sleep on the floor at the empty old place. I knew it was just for a night, and enjoyed the break. Even the WORD divorce hasn't come through my mind, even on the bad nights when I'm sitting there thinking, "I don't want this." I guess I'll just keep working on my own recovery -- which does seem to be progressing -- and when it comes time to take that step then I'll know, and hopefully have a bit more clarity on how to take it.