Hi marci and best,
thank-you both for your responses...it is so nice to be understood..you both touched on what I do..which is to "overthink"...asking the "what ifs"..feeling "panic' when I think about letting go...
I am working on that part..the part..that what happens to him...is between him and God...that it's none of my business..
it helped me to know...that you both are doing that...and that it is working for you..and has helped you...because "turning it over to God"..is something I am developing...my relationship with God hasn't been that good..I felt he abandoned me too..so I haven't gone to Him for help for a long time...so it's been scary to give Him back control...it's scary to trust him...but I am working on that...because I know I can't do it myself..I don't want to do it by myself anymore..doing it by myself doesn't work...
all to say...that in hearing that it does work for you and has helped.. has helped me to trust a little bit more..have a little bit more faith...everyday is a struggle for me..the "thinking" still wants to control..and it still wins over sometimes.I guess I am still in the "infancy" stages of "let go and let God"??...my trust is not totally there yet..
thanks so much for helping me...it's nice to relate to people..who know how you feel..and understand...
talia