To the poster who wrote about their experiences seeing Amy live, that was very sweet. I am happy that you had that experience. She was a beautiful person, I don't care what anyone says.
I know it seems strange to some that I feel so upset by this, but I literally have felt sick since I heard the news and have been crying about it every day. I know it's not healthy. I wanted so badly to see her live and to see her get better. It was disgusting how her downfall was displayed so publicly...I very much dislike the paparazzi for it...it should have never happened that way. From what I saw, she was only surrounded by users and abusers...and I read that her ex-boyfriend, Regg Travis, broke up with her a week before this happeend so she wasn't feeling well about that. Plus, it was so publicized that she had given a bad concert in Serbia. I thought it was cruel that her management still had her tour despite her personal problems. I am sure the coverage of her concert really brought her down, too.
Thanks for asking how I've been doing to D and everyone else. Honestly, lately in my life, I haven't been doing that well...school-wise I am getting my graduate degree and I forgot to post to a message board. Sounds silly but it's worth 100 points and it will totally kill my grade. Graduate school costs so much money, I can't waste away in my classes. My relationship is going well with my boyfriend but I feel unsure about how it's going with his mom...she told me many hurtful comments...we went to a hospital cause my boyfriend had surgery (another stressful thing but he's doing fine) and she told me that we had a rough initial first start and first meeting and things like that when I never knew we had. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but I feel like I'm being compared to my boyfriend's sister-in-law who is always described in such a perfect way. I have been "yelled" at by his mom (bear in mind that I'm 25 years old, almost 26) for laying in my boyfriend's bed (he is still at home)...this is after we've been together for more than 2 years. I have always shown respect in their home and we weren't doing anything. She told me "this isn't a hotel" and then proceeded to tell me that she never had any problems with my boyfriend's sister-in-law. She told me she wasn't "comfortable with what [she] had just seen", etc. etc. This happened a couple of weeks before the surgery but I still feel bad that I got "lectured" when I'm the age I am. I don't know if our relationship will work out because of this influence. She is nice to me but is too overprotective. I have never stepped on anyone's toes. I know that overprotection will play out in the future. For example, she initially told me that during this surgery, I should only visit for 3 days and then go home. I said I will stay as long as I can to be with him. She told my boyfriend later that she was worried I would get in the way. She told me directly that I am not the only one involved.
My brother is basically estranged from me. I haven't seen him for a year and he hardly ever will even text me back. His wife is going through a hard time and he thought my family wasn't supportive enough so he and his wife cut us off. My family got an extremely nasty E-mail from her saying how we aren't a real family and how awful we all are. After that E-mail, I texted her and said how it hurt my feelings and apparently that was just too much for my brother and his wife. I should have been more understanding with the pain his wife was going through and not said anything about the E-mail. I am in pain because my brother will not talk to me. I stayed at their house for 3 months because his wife needed someone there to support her. I didn't have a job so I could be there with her. I have no idea how I wasn't supportive. I thought I did my best, now I worry I could have done more. I don't know if he will ever see me again. He moved 3 hours away without even seeing us. My dad had to twist his arm to talk to me on the phone for 2 seconds the day before he moved.
Now Amy's death is tearing me apart. My boyfriend tells me I am too obsessive with these things. I know I have an OCD personality. I always looked her up every day to see how she was doing...since 2007. Planned to see her tour whenever I could. Would even have gone abroad just to see her tour. Now she is dead? I can't bear to look at the headlines, have stayed away from the news. Want to block it out. I had to put my picture in my avatar and take hers out. I can't stand it. I wonder if I will ever get over it.
I have felt like drinking lately because I have been under stress and in pain. I can't talk to my boyfriend because he's healing from surgery. I've talked to my mom about it and she understands for the most part but is tired of me crying about Amy. I have depression and anxiety which I take meds for but they don't always seem to help. I want an escape.