Thanks Ann. Donald, I do agree with you that I can do these things on my own and if I do split up with my H I will have to do them on my own. In fact, I've already started doing quite a bit by myself. But when you're part of a couple, people want to invite your spouse to parties and events. He has embarrassed me so many times that I don't want to invite him to anything! Or go anywhere with him until he has a few months of recovery under his belt. But... he doesn't want to recover. He sincerely doesn't think he has a problem. He is a man and men drink. That's his take on it.
About marriage counseling... I made 3 appointments and my H didn't show up for any of them. I went to AA for myself and he never went with me. I'm going to Alanon and he applaudes because he thinks I have a problem dealing with all the alcoholics in my family. Also, I don't complain about his drinking when I'm in Alanon. He's so deep in denial that nothing shakes his faith that everything is fine and dandy in our home. It doesn't matter that we aren't intimate or that I won't invite him to anything or that I am involved in yoga, the gym, photography, and I do these things without him. He just wants to be left alone to live in his cave, do football stats, talk to his internet buddies about football, and drink. As long as he knows I'm living here, he feels safe.
What to do with a man like that? I don't want to do anything because it would shake him up. I want to do it for myself.