wywriter

Yes, sadly, I am. He is very clearly in end-stage alcoholism, and I suspect the only reason he's still alive is because we keep running out of money (or, more recently, we keep running out of money he has access to). The only other person I've seen drink like he does for the same sort of duration was my uncle, who died at the age of 45. My husband is now 51. Every time he drinks he turns yellow, and noticeably less is needed to put him on the ground. Because of the age gap, I went into this relationship knowing he would die before me -- it wasn't until his alcohol abuse became known to me and I began to see the full extent of it that it became clear just how much earlier he's most likely to die. I don't intend to be hit by a truck anytime soon, so the way it's looking I'll probably outlive him by at least 50 years. He has no life insurance of any sort, but even that doesn't worry me anymore -- I will be liable for about $200 for cremation, and the VA will take care of burial arrangements. Without the alcohol bill, my income will be able to keep my daughter and I and our house, and child support for my son, and I will even have a chance to get ahead. I always feel horrible about this line of thinking, because it comes far too naturally. Yes, I've spent countless hours planning my life after his death, and how it will proceed after that point.