Hey Talia!
I really understand what you are saying about the anger and the desire for him to acknowledge his part in the relationship. Are you sure you aren't talking about my life?
I'm better now than I used to be but still, sometimes that desire to make him into the person I want him to be creeps in. I find myself thinking... if he did that, then I'll do that, and then we will... it starts with a simple thought and quickly I'm wanting to control everything about him and how he is with me. If I'm honest with myself I realize now that it's not my business what he does, how he does it and who he does it with.
Wow! was that scary to type even now when I know it's the truth. It's the letting go that creates this panic inside of me, as if I might fall. I never do fall though, everytime I let go a little bit, I feel panic and then I settle into that new unknown space that I created just for me.
I've tried the pouring my feelings out to him thing too. I called it "honesty", I know now what I was really trying to do was to get him back into our unhealthy dance. I blame you, you blame me thing.
Maybe I'm not making any sense with this post, but I do understand what you are going through and I know that it helps to stop wondering about what he thinks and start to figure out why you think what you think and how you can feel better, and get rid of the anger and resentments.
A good start is an alanon meeting.
I wish you the best and I feel your pain.
Many hugs!
marci