Hi Rebecca, Well I understand completely what you are dealing with as I too am alcoholic and desparately trying to be a recovering anorexic/bulimic. In my self-pitying I used to say 'those alcoholics are the lucky ones, they have it so easy'. at times it feels that ingesting anything commes with a huge price. Anyway enough of that misery. The relapse business is very soul destroying and I am coming back from what I hope (and am actively working on too) is my last. I am working so hard to get out there and enjoy my life, otherwise really I might as well be drinking. It will come soon though I am nearly ready.
I hope that you can get out too. When I have had my sober periods life has been wonderful and I have been wonderful. And then the relapses come with more heavy prices to pay in terms of the ensuing despair.
Anyway will spend this evening drowning myself in self help books and looking forward to tomorrow.
Thinking of you