Ogilve

Next week I am going to my first Al-Anon meeting. I've thought about it for, oh, three years now, and now with so many people here telling me it will be beneficial, I've decided to put away my anxieties and just do it.

I have some ?s that might be obvious, but I don't know the answers. First, some of the groups have a separate group for kids -- what do the kids do? (I have three and they may or may not be with me, depending on what time I go). Second, if I go and feel like I'm better off listening and not talking, is that ok?

I'm concerned about how my partner will react when he learns I'm going -- he's full of deny/blame others for his drinking and is embarrassed/angry that I "think" he has a problem (his words). He will, I'm sure, be furious (he isn't physically violent but he is verbally abusive and scary when he's drunk). Not sure if I should tell him or keep it quiet.

And then finally, about the steps -- I don't know much about the steps, and how to know if/when I'm ready to work them... is that the driving force behind Al-Anon? It may be that I go and think, "oh yeah, let's start the steps!" or it may be that I think, "the steps aren't right for me," I honestly don't know. Let's just say that I go and decide I'm not ready/able/willing to go down the 12 step path, would I still be welcome at the meetings? (I'm not saying I won't, I'm just saying that reading about them and seeing them in action seem like they are very different things).