I really just need a long place to post. I know that you'll be reading this, but really I just need to get it out. I moved to NYC two years ago with my soon-to-be ex alcoholic hubby. We moved from Paris. I was in Europe all of my tenties and now I'm in NYC and I'm frustrated. Dirty, expensive, crowded nasty aggressive and VIOLENT! So few green places and few nice things to look at. Why do people like it here? I mean, no really, I REALLY need someone to help me with this. Tell me what is so great about this big over-polluted ugly mess they call New York. I have no friends, the few I had are no longer reliable (and I know people are gonna jump all over that with suggestions for me, but please, I have meeting groups to meet people, just takes awhile, so lay off about that, 'kay?) and I'm laying here, I can't sleep, I only have time enough to sleep 6 hours a night because I have to prepare for work - 9 hours with a 30min break that I usually use for more preparation and usually no time to eat, add in commute time and it's usually more like 11hours - to be pushed and shoved at, yelled at big fat people squeezing me out of the way and I feel myself turn nasty inside. People don't move for old people, don't care about pregnant people or children. The white hip people are the worst. An old person will be right in front of them and they won't budge from their seat as they talk about what salon they went to. And all of this I get for the privilege of spending 2/3 my salary each month to be 30min from anything green. My snot is black. There was a shooting in the neighborhood playground next to my house the week I moved in. Stores publicize the amount of time between shootings as if it's something to be proud of. The food is expensive too and SUCH poor quality. What is wrong with us?!? Americans just don't know what it's like in other places. If they did, they would demand more and better treatment. I guess some people have fun here, but I haven't met them yet. I NEED to have some fun soon or I'm gonna crack. I have to work tomorrow, I have no idea how I'm gonna pull it together. I guess I'll try to sleep some to make it through the nine hours waiting for me tomorrow. All this thankless crud. Treated like crap all the way through. I started crying when I thought how I was on the cusp of getting a good life together in Paris. But my husband stealing from me, drunk on the couch, and I gave it up 'cause I thought "Oh, he'll just work less the more success I have." Stupid girl. I shoulda left him back there. I thought if we came to NYC, it would be better for him 'cause there wouldn't be language gap (he never bothered to learn French). But it is SOOOO hard to live here and SOOOO stressful that his inability to work just sapped me. I guess I should thank New York for that, it got rid of him, but now it is ME who is so unhappy. I AM SO UNHAPPY!
