Oh boy. Yesterday I was so optimistic about the plan to leave my husband. Today...not so much. The way the girls lit up when he hugged them this morning almost killed me! Sometimes I feel like I'm taking crazy pills (no pun intended)...like I'm going to just lose it.
Working 50 hours a week, taking care of a 3 year old and 5 year old, ALL the house work and yard work....blah blah blah.
I'm so overwhelmed at work, and here I am making a post. I suppose my sanity is more important than my to-do-list.
He's still smoking lots of weed, and he thinks he's got it under control because he's taking suboxone instead of snorting oxys. I WANT TO VIOLENTLY SHAKE HIM!!! Getting suboxone illegally to avoid withdrawal from something you say you only did ONCE in this relapse is NOT UNDER CONTROL!!!
I suppose I'm a tad bitter today too :0)
I go crazy arguing with myself as to WHEN and HOW I should leave. I've already found a new place that will be availabe in 2 months, I've got money tucked away...I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!
Again, somebody just slap some sense in to me!
I mostly struggle with the fact that he's not "bad off"....yet. He's highly functional to the general public (I know better). He's not a candidate for the show "intervention"...we're not there. YET.
Did I mention I'm 98% certain he's cheated on me? Yeah, that too. We haven't touched in MONTHS...I'm surprised he was able to do it with the pills and all....they don't work well with the libido, lol.
After re-reading this I sound like a crazy woman, maybe I am. I don't want to end up like so many of you who have had nervous break downs, full-blown panic attacks, ptsd, etc.
Come to think of it, I think I'm the one who needs a violent shaking!
