I had that very same discussion with my sponsor last night Skipper. I'm wrangling with my acceptance that it's a disease that my husband has... and that sometimes the disease symptoms include drinking, and sometimes it's just crazy-making behaviors.
My sponsor asked me if I had ever told the kids (5 and 3) that Daddy had a disease. I said, "No, because they don't really see him drunk." She said, "But they live with the disease still, you know that right?" And that's when it hit me... yes, they do. They live with his sometimes completely off-the-wall discipline which I KNOW confuses the hell out of them. Hell, at one time earlier this year - they lived with TWO crazy-making parents. By the grace of god, I got my a$$ back into al-anon so I could work on stopping my insanity.
I know my kids know that something isn't right. I struggle with what exactly I should be telling them about Daddy. I don't want to "bash" him per se, but I also don't want them confused. Ack. This is hard. I'm working on it. Focusing on me and my recovery so that I will have the strength and wisdom to help guide them the best I can.
Thanks for posting this... I needed this today.