After 15 beautiful months of sobriety and living alone, I walked into a pub and drank four beers. That was in April. I wanted to write this so that just maybe my experience might help someone who is considering doing the same. When I took that first dizzy beer after over a year of clarity and peace, I tried to persuade myself it would be a once off. It wasn't... it became an uncontrollable demon I recognized resided in my psyche and it has convinced me that it requires complete will and integrity to keep it under control. Like many people here have said, for an alcoholic there is no such thing as a "normal" drinker. And I soon found out that when you go back to alcohol after a layoff, it gets worse; it's almost as if you have shown the Vampire an extra vein and he gets in with a vengeance. One thing my repeat alcoholism revealed to me were all the memories of the nightmares endured under the foot of the Dragon over a few decades. The hangovers, the blurred vision, the anxiety and fear, and now PAWS (Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome), because now after three months, I have finally stopped. Again I have turned to SR with a complete understanding of the complexity of the problems of many of my peers and gratefulness for the support freely given here.
Although I have just expelled myself from the year-and-over club and am back in kindergarten on Day Three, I have new appreciation of all my classmates ... and am aiming to graduate with honors.
