At the meeting I went to last night someone said somthing so profound to me that i thought about it all night. "For one entire year after the addition is stopped, DO NOT believe anything they say (don't take thier word for fact) about ANYTHING, and the answer to what they want is always NO." I went no contact a few weeks ago as well because the manipulation was too hard for me to take while beginning my own Codie recovery. I know most times he doesn't purposly lie, hide things, tell me what i need to hear even when its not true, ect., its just what happens with him. He loves me, there is no dout about that, however, I know in my heart that it will be years, if ever, that his addictive behaviors - weather actively using or not - will cease. He has showed up at my house 2 times in the last month. The first I'm sure not sober.This past week I can't say for sure. The manipulative behavior was still present. Hearing that last night hit hard because of this. It will be a very long time before a lifetime of behavior can be totally changed - on my part as a Codie, on on his, who is also an addicted codie. Our reactions remained the same to each other allthough much softer this time because the whole time I reminded myself to stay with MY recovery process. I've cried every day since and embrace my tears because I know that feeling even the yucky feelings is part of MY healing. Someday I may be able to be around him, and who knows if we will ever will reconect, but it will be as two changed people, Both well ahead in our own recoveries as better people. I have found new hope in my program and will make it a lifetime of progress. Many people have said "it works if you work it" and "not one person fails when they follow the program and steps". I see people who have peace in thier eyes and know that this is possible for me too. No contact is soooooo hard on so many levels, but I remind myself of the look in thier peacful, understanding eyes and I want that as much as I want things to be "ok". I have to remind myself of all of this MANY times EVERY day still. Its funny how things like this thread sometimes show up just when its what I needed to hear. Thank you all for your wisdom and encouragment. I needed it badly this week. You are not alone, HWSM, their are many of us. Blessings to us all in our journey!