That not knowing about him drives me crazy. I know I still spend way too much time thinking about him and yes driving by places he might be. For me the last few times I did see him I was painfully aware of how sick he is, how I can't help him, and how I don't need that in my life.
Your self doubt is something I wrestle with too. Did I make the drinking more of an issue than it really was? But when I take an honest inventory of our time together, I can't remember one holiday, one vacation or one weekend that he did not drink to get drunk. Yes we had fun, he was kind and wonderful to me, he was a great dad. But my AH changed as his disease progressed.
I know I could have written your last post and as hard as it is, I know that he is no good for me right now. In fact, a few times I saw him and I actually felt physically ill. I needed to listen to what my body was trying to tell me even though my brain was trying to fool me.
Be strong. Be good to yourself. Put your best interest first.