He drank before I met him, he drank when I was with him, he continues to drink without me - I have nothing to do with his problem.
That's exactly what I told my AH in a MC session when he said I was the reason he drank. That statement was an eye opener for me. He clearly was in so much denial about his drinking and was irrational about his life. Even if he had admitted years before that he knew he had a drinking problem but chose to try to control it. I knew now he was losing any control he thought he had.
Its those kinds of things that I need to remember when I miss him. We are toxic to each other. Plain and simple.