I thought about face to face support groups but I know it will not help me to the extent thats needed. I have found my self lieing and manipulating the talk to either make peace with myself without stopping anything or just lieing to leave and not come back.
I am a very addictive personanlity, not just drugs or alcahol, but Im very addictive to anything that makes me happy.
Drugs and alcahol dont make me happy, but when they replace the pain of normal life then thats what makes me happy.
I am not convinced that I need medacine to fight my depression, the pot worked fine and made me believe my depression is actually me hiding from reality.
I was actaully doing pretty well as far as the depression goes until I have just recently become unhappy with smoking pot all day and not being able to pass a drug test.
In my line of work i have taken numerous drug test, and passed.
So I believe the test is not the issue other than I never passed with my pee.
I want to beat my addiction and feel I have my depression under control (or atleast before i quit pot), I know it can be done.
The support I guess is what I am seeking here, and hints and guidance.
I cant feel that Im sober now (even though I havnt smoked pot in 3 weeks) I have been back taking my anxiety meds, sometimes even abusing them.
I feel I am so near sober that I can do it on my own but not alone....