I too took myself of my antidepressants in favor of self-medication. It seemed to work in the short run but in the long run I was just a addicted depressed person. Seeing your doc or shrink is a good idea. Also getting off whatever crutches you're relying on. In the long run its the only way to be able to walk again. You may want to look into AA or NA, check out some other posts here, see a counselor, a lot of things to explore but if you keep yourself self-medicated its difficult to see and act clearly. Sometimes pain and discomfort existe to warn us we need to take action.