TakingCharge999
Thank you for your kind words. I haven't seen him in 3 1/2 weeks. We exchanged text messages around July 4th and when things got nasty, I blocked him. I got a few messages on my home phone and one text from "a friend" the next day. I guess I didn't expect this. He always "quacked" in the past, sent long rambling emails, text messages that went from one extreme to the other. I don't get it. I feel like he's probably gone way south or maybe he's seeing a professional who told him not to contact me? I don't know. The not knowing is hardest. I feel like maybe we should have sat down and said goodbye, this is it. Some type of closure.
I will look for those books. I looked up the meeting times and places again but just starting crying. I can't believe that my life has come to this. It's sooo not how thought it was going to turn out. All our plans for the future; just gone now.
I'm trying to remember the bad moments and deal breakers. The smell that made me want to puke, that I
knew was liquor on his breath. I went back and read emails I sent to a friend a year ago when I first suspected he had a problem with alcohol.
What's really crazy is that the XABF told me that in his 13 years of sobriety, he was the head of his AA group, helped a lot of young people, and organized dances and stuff. He showed me all his literature and coins. He told me that if anyone knew how to quit - it was him. Nutty, huh?
I was seeing a counselor last October but got laid off my job and stopped going. I knew I needed to talk to someone when I not only thought about ending my life, but exactly how I would do it. That really scared me.
Right now I'm taking college classes to try and get a nursing degree. My baby will graduate from high school in two years and I need
something to do!
You are very inspirational. Even though I can't imagine it right now, I'm so hoping to get to a better place and take better care of me. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to put my heart out there again.
I hate to sound dumb, but what is the HALT rule? I wrote him a letter and mailed it but got no reply - yet. Like I said, I'm ewas hoping that he would repeat the same stupid stuff and blame everyone else around him. It would make letting go so much easier, knowing I did the right thing.
Thank you again. Your compassinate words mean so much to me right now.
