My thoughts are with you and your family... I lost my mom over a year ago. I'd like to have had the chance to develop a healthy relationship with her... we tried but she was an alcoholic/addict and I was working on becoming an alcoholic... so it never happened.
My heart goes out to you... it's so hard visiting your mom in the IC unit, I know. I would get so sick I'd nearly vomit some days... and I was drinking at the time.
You're incredibly strong facing this kind of thing sober... Hang in there.