WOw... You sound SO SIMILIAR to me in what I am realizing myself too. In the beginning of our relationship, we were both so young, and growing and learning and I was okay with all the drinking because thats more acceptable when you're young or in college, but then more and more things happened as we went along in our relationship, engagement, then marriage that I just wasn't happy with. I always wanted him to be different--- predictable, reliable and trustworthy. Who was I kidding? He was NEVER those things when i married him and suddenly I expect him to be someone else? I realize I was kidding myself too and blaming myself for ever getting wrapped up into it. I did love him and we had two wonderful little girls together but all the while, I realize, I wanted better for myself and I now hope that can happen. One day.