Originally Posted by
blueblooms14 
I don't think the word "love" even needs the modifier "unconditional" in front of it. I think love is unconditional.
I love my daughters. I ask nothing of them and they ask nothing of me, really. (I'm trying to think of anything at all- and can't.) We give to each other, but I don't really think we expect or demand anything of each other. We disappoint each other at times, maybe even get angry at each other occassionally, but none of that erases the love. I've never felt that the love was at risk with either of them. Same with my parents.
However, when my XABF wanted something, he would say, "I love you" or "But I really love you," as though his loving me was a reason that I should do something (like not leave him). That was coercive, and not any form of love by my definition of love. It might have been fear or anger that I was doing something that hurt him or that he didn't want. (Which is fine, valid.) But I see that as separate from love.
Now, partnership, living together, sharing time and expenses, whether I want to invest or not- very much conditional for me! Even if I love the person.
BlueBlooms, I think you're right on. If I'm being honest with myself about the word "love" -
say the word and you'll be free...sing it with me!
I love plenty of people - my kid for sure, but all of my immediate family, my in-laws, some of my closest friends. And I love them no matter what they are doing/not doing at the time. Sometimes they infuriate me, and I can't always be around them or support them in their actions, but that doesn't change how I feel about them overall.
My husband, who is my qualifier though I have plenty more, has done some really awful horrible stuff, but during those times what I felt was a loss of control, and a fury that he couldn't see that he was wrong. Not less love. Of course now I know what I was angry with was myself, for not being able to let go of the situation.
I don't think love equals acceptance, or need, both of which have been brought up in this discussion. As individuals, I feel as though we don't "need" many people, it's more of a question of want.
As far as kids go, my kid's life is wrapped up into mine in a way no one else's is. I'm not into rating the love I have for him against the love I have for other people because it isn't the same thing, and it can never be. Your mileage, as always, may vary.
People are different. I've always wondered how one person can be so closed off emotionally while another can cry in public at the drop of a hat. Perhaps our discussion here has to do with how we deal with our emotions, and how we feel about loving, as opposed to love as a concept.
I feel super-hokey now and will shut up. Thanks for the very thought-provoking discussion!