Cooper, welcome to SR.
I am so sorry you have to be going through this but you are not alone. Many of us here have experienced the exact same things that you are going through and know what is like.
An important thing you will see here a lot is the 3 C's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
What you can do is learn how to take care of your self. I also strongly recommend going to Al-Anon. It can be a life saver.
Visit and post often. It really helps and there is lots of wisdom and experience here to draw upon.
Your friend,