mishabear

hi,

so after a night of drinking, posting nasty comments on someones fb page, getting up late to work and feeling like hot death on my commute, again feeling shaky, depressed, hating myself and shame, I walked through the sunshine and said "----" this. I am not the person I am when drunk--which is a psychotic monster.

I lost a fiance, ended up with a loser who was also an alky, who was abusive and because of him lost my flat, spent a week in the hospital..but even after all this or because of this I drank. its made me do countless stupid ---- like texting, drunk emails, destroyed relationships..and i'm over it.


i just want to focus on school, lose this beer gut, widen my social circle and eventually be the person I want to be, and make better relationship choices.

everyday I want to drink i want to remember how I feel now..shaky, tired, no energy and full of self hate. I could use a hug right now..