Dear IJustDonKnow,
Usually people who grew up in a family of addicts/alcoholics have the same "symptoms" the addict does. I am sorry for your recent disappointment. I suggest going through a 12-step program yourself (do you drink at all? You could be an alcoholic yourself - and it doesn't have to do with "how much" you drink.) Or, you could simply be "affected"...the point is, you might want to look at the reason you married this person...these are lifelong patterns that you will repeat unless you get down to your own part in these tragedies. I suggest finding an Alanon meeting not where people simply complain about "the problem", but where they are actively going through the 12 steps in the Big Book of AA and everyone's doing their own work with sponsors. Your whole life will change, but you have to be willing to do the work. These meetings in your area might be called All Addictions meetings, or something like that. If you can't find one, go to bigbookstepstudy.net and ask. Best of luck to you as you maneuver through your own issues.