For me, it goes back to Tradition 5 and having understanding and compassion for our alcoholic loved ones. Today's reading in Courage to Change puts it so eloquently...
~ July 12 ~
Tradition Five talks about “encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives.” This puzzled me at first. After all, doesn’t our program teach us to focus on ourselves? It seemed to be a contradiction.
Maybe the reason for my confusion is that I tended to think in extremes. Either I focused on myself and separated myself completely from the lives of others or I wrapped myself around those others until I lost myself. Our program helps us to come back to center.
I can focus on myself and still be a loving, caring, person. I can have compassion for loved ones who suffer from the disease of addiction, or its effects, without losing my sense of self.Encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to myself, and I do not need to sacrifice myself in the process.
Today’s Reminder
I am learning how to have saner and more loving relationships. Today I will offer support for those I love and take of myself.
“If you would be loved, love and be lovable.” Benjamin Franklin
When I was raw and hurting, and stumbled into the Al-anon room - I had no clue how to take care of me. And like the reading says, I heard "take care of me!" so I immediately shot to the other extreme! I doted on myself, and say "To he!! with him!" But neither was a good and healthy way to life. I had to learn to find balance. To have love and compassion for my loved ones, but not be a doormat to their behavior. Just because they were sick, or dysfunctional... or simply not doing things the way I wanted!!... didn't mean I had to completely shut them out. Maybe keep them at a safer distance though... in a kind and loving way. Not a hurtful, vengeful manner. I learned that it isn't my job to punish them, just as much as it isn't there job to punish me for my wrongs.
Thanks for letting me share!
Shannon