Originally Posted by psilyguy

I just chugged my last beer, I hope to GOD it is my last one, but I've said this a hundred times before. Now I'm staring at my life being completely turned UPSIDE DOWN and losing everything I've got.

On my 12th year of marriage and how my wife is still with me I have no idea. The first few years were fine, I was a casual drinker. Yes I was able to let loose but maybe only a few times a month. Then we moved back down to the city, 'my old stomping grounds' as she calls it, and I began hanging out at bars all the time with my friends. After our first child was born she started hanging at the bars with me.. I eventually became a DJ at local clubs and would get SHTfaced drunk everytime, and she was there to drive me home, she had fun but after a while it got a bit old. Because of my DJ experience I was able to start a website and it took off, but it also enabled me to drink anytime I wanted since we both stayed at home 24/7. 4 years ago I found myself in a vicious cycle of drinking 12-18 beers a day and occasional whiskey , it started spiraling into morning drinking, you get the picture. 2 years ago after a 3 day binge in Vegas I was admitted to the hospital for Pancreatitus... my solution, once I recovered and wanted to drink again (only sober for 2 weeks) was that I would rule out hard liquor and stick with beer. Started out slow and then got out of hand again, I was also mixing my beer with anti-anxiety medication and found I had developed a big sleep problem... unless I was smashed I could not get more than a few hours of sleep a night.

Anyway I was going through a 30 pack a day and finally got it handed to me with a DUI. I blew a .24 and I seriously thought I was sober. So after shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars for the case, lost time with my business, you name it... oh yeah and I lost my Drivers License for 2 years. Can't take my kids to school in the morning, can't do a goddamn thing but sit at my house on my computer. I even have a $80,000 boat I cant use because my wife does not want to tow it to the lake 6 hours away... I dont blame her. So after 8 months of court stuff I was handed 10 days in jail. Now these 8 months have been the most sober I've been in a long time since I had to be randomly tested via ETG but the stress was adding up and I was getting tired of it all. 3 weeks ago I was sentenced to 1 year of Probation and after the Officer told me he can come to my house and search anytime he wants I hit a breaking point and now I've found myself secretly drinking around my back yard, hiding beer cans everywhere, even though I know when they show up they have breathalyzers... but I just dont get it, I drink a beer and say, THATS IT, NO MORE! Then talk my wife into grabbing another 18 pack late at night because I know if the Officer shows up it will be between 10am-10pm.. or so Ive been told. Without alcohol in me I sleep no more than 2-3 hours a night, that is a major anxiety for me to drink drink drink, constantly checking my breathalyzer to see where Im at, in fact I know if I get to a 0.10 by 1am I will be back to a 0.0 by 10am. She likes to have a few beers too but thats it.

Now that I'm done and the beer seems to be losing it's buzz I feel like an idiot writing this. For the record Ive attended AA, group therapy counseling, anger management, I feel like there is no hope and I'm just going to end up back in jail and my wife will tell me on the phone that she's packin' up.