Originally Posted by
NVRAGAIN3PCT 
OMG - I've done that....the counting, the running short every single time.....
I even drank my kids left over meds from their tonsils surgery. Seriously - WHO DOES THAT?
I have a serious problem.
Thank you CARL that FOXING OX TRAIN has left!
I think I have really underestimated my 'problem'. I'm an addict.
oh wow that is so hard to say.
wow.
Did you also have this behavior -
We covered the obsessive counting and having to have a "pill plan". But, I also
1. would not go out/leave the house if I was out.
2. when I was out and going through detox, even if it was only for a few days waiting on my next RX, I would treat myself like I was dying of cancer or something. Have a big old pity party for myself and stay in my jammies and not get off the couch. If someone suggested I take a walk or exercise, HOW DARE THEY tell me I feel well enough to do that.
3. If I had 10 days left and 15 pills and KNEW DAMN WELL that if I stuck to a schedule, I could avoid the detox hammer, my addict brain took over and said "well, wtf, taking 1.25 pills a day won't make me feel good, I might as well take 5 a day and suffer for the other 8.
Almost like the 5 stages of greif on your last days with your pills when you're about run out, it's scary. (I treated them like I was losing my best friend). Please keep in mind, I have a medical condition that causes me SEVERE pain, but that doesn't change the fact that I am and always will be an addict, but when the pain starts kicking and I'm walking at a 90 degree angle, I reallllllly feel sorry for myself.
Five Stages of Greif:
DENIAL/ISOLATION: Don't want to be around anyone and rip my house apart looking for a pill I might have dropped, there must be one here.
ANGER: pissed off that I went off schedule and took all of them when I could have spread them out and avoided the "tox blues"
BARGAINING: Thinking you've "REALLY learned your lesson this time, you won't get your RX filled again.
DEPRESSION: Turn into an emotional mess when you realize you have XX amount of days until you can refill, then you start to get physically ill which brings on depression it'self (and if you have a legit pain problem, you start feeling that in full force)
ACCEPTANCE: You realize that this won't be your last time and you try to sleep off the days until you can get more. Take NYquil, anything to make the days go by faster
That was me at my worse, in the grips of those tiny little pills. I couldn't work, I couldn't function, I was a mess.