binderdonedat, thanks for all that info. I don't this is going to be as bad as times before. The wakeup call I had was being in jail for 10 days. I was drunk 2 full weeks before my court date, infact when we left the house I was still a .08 at 9am. They cuffed me out right there and all that I was thinking was 'Can I check in to jail tomorrow, so can go home and get smashed first'?!?!
The first 3 days in jail were awful going through the withdrawals. However thanks to my wife she had flushed my pills 3 months prior. Had I been withdrawing from everything I could have easily died. I saw one other guy in there, he was in withdrawal from -insert random drug here- and we all thought he was going to die. Stuck in a 8x10 cement room, wouldnt sit still for a second for the 4 days I saw him, he looked dead and I recall looking like that when I came off the Ambien, as I lost 15 pounds in just 3 days.
Jail was a huge wakeup call for me, and a detox at the same time. Is a beer worth 30 days there? Hell no, but our minds want to trick us like they always have.
This time being sober is different. I already feel like this Forum is like a virtual AA. I do enjoy AA but I hate the 'one person' that rambles half of the class.
After talking to my wife, she clearly laid out for me that I 'know too much' to go back, and instead use my knowledge to help others. Maybe one day I will save someones life.
She told me about a spiritual concept:
All we are here to do is shine Our Light, just like the man in the Lighthouse shines his to save the ships from the dark dangers around. He gets no thanks for what he does, he just feels good about the help he can provide.
Like I said she should have been gone long ago but she has stood by me at my worst.