Whew......breathe. Your pain and anxiety was palpable in your post.
It's very hard to trust people who have violated our trust so many times. We've given them so many chances and yet we still have hope. Our hearts and spirit are broken.
Don't worry about the things he says to you. You are doing the best you can and that's ok. Keep doing what you're doing......not for him.....but for you because you deserve peace and you need all the strength to take care of yourself and your children.
Rehab doesn't make them better. It gives them the tools to make themselves better. It gets them headed in the right direction. Dealing with all of the stuff that's been building up for years in your marriage will not be repaired in 30-60 days. And everything that's been wrong for all those years doesn't need to be addressed right away.
Take it one day at a time. Take care of you and keep doing what you're doing. With time the things you are doing will help you.
gentle hugs
ke