psilyguy,
Here's something to keep in mind as a sobering thought (pun intended
)
What gets you sober won't KEEP you sober. Alcohol has been ingrained in your DNA over the years from the sounds of it. It's become as much a part of you as breathing. Your story reminds me of mine, right down to the club life (you a DJ, me a musician)
Making the decision to finally be done with that poisonous crap is a wonderful and exhilarating experience, but the liberated feelings will eventually dissipate and can leave you powerless to combat cravings and the calling to drink again - without a program of recovery to help you do battle. At least that is my experience.
You should spend these next few righteous and sober days finding a program that suits your disposition and then commit to the work required from that program - with the attitude "whatever it takes". For me, after years of everything but AA I found the 12 steps and the fellowship worked when nothing else did. And by everything I mean literally everything. CBT, RR, SMART, psychiatry, medications, none of it worked - but it may be different for you. Having said that, it's the Big Book of AA and the program which has become the largest contributor to the most sober time I've ever experienced in my adult life. I recommend giving it an honest try.
Point is, get to AA, or anything else that fits (if AA is a sore spot with you). Not drinking is not simply based on a decision to make it so - at least not for us alkies. You have to "learn" how to live without it. You have to recondition your life and reconfigure those synapses that are now hard wired in your brain to make you feel sheer panic every time you deny yourself a drink. The folks in these various programs can help you with that. This website can also help you with that.
BTW, I can also relate to the Ambien experiences you've had. I was whacked out on a combination of Ambien and Xanax for 2 years, while drinking my face off. I've done some of the most tragic, embarrassing and dangerous things in my life while whacked out on benzos and booze. In the end it went very, very bad for me - to include seizures, head wounds, psych evaluations, and a 5 month protracted withdrawal that was like hell on earth. You are so right, if anyone is abusing those benzo class drugs, get to a doctor and wean off them NOW.
I'm certainly pulling for you bro. In the words of my late, great Grandad, "Get 'er done!"
